the condom got lost in my hair
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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