So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
