I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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