exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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