I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
