dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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