She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
