it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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