new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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