Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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