Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
