I don't remember. Are we still dating?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
