Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
