I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
