He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
