he thought i was a dude.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
