I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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