And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
