areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
