if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
