I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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