god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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