Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
