Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
