xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
