I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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