so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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