you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows