Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.