I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
