we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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