escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.