He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
