I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
