found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
