I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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