soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
