Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
