i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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