if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize