Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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