What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
