so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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