Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
