Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
