Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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