He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
