You really coming over, don't trick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
