Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
