$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
