He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
