I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
