So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
