So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
