weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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