Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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