i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
