i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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