where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
