ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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