hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
