If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
