You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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