I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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