Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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