Rock
Scissors
Fuck
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
