forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
