i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
