a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
