I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
