The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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