So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
