So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
