it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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