I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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