There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
