Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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