he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
