and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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