im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
