next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
