so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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