Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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