hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
