dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
