I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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