i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
