Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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